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Hybrid Bible

“Everything is to be created,” said the Snake.

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There was a great flood. In the great rush of water, the Great Tower fell, and the One Language, contained in its central citadel, floated away. Over 40 days and 40 nights, the One was dissolved into many: all the tongues of the world.

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“Everything is to be evil,” said the Tree.

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As the waters receded, ribs appeared in the shallows. Gradually, as the world dried, these ribs were extracted from tide pools, then assembled into men.

And from men came Jacob.

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“But also…” suggested the Woman.

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The flocks of the King of Heaven consisted of hot, gaseous, nebulous beasts who roamed through the Fields of the Night.

For seven years, Jacob tended to them.

At the end of this period, Jacob earned a wife, the loveliest of the King of Heaven’s daughters.

In the sky, she sparkled. Her aura was golden.

Mary.

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“Everyone is to have a Golden Calf,” said Aaron.

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But Mary was not enough.

So Jacob went on to earn Elizabeth, another of the King’s daughters, who was nearly so lovely.

But Elizabeth…

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“Everyone is to have a Stone Tablet,” said Moses.

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So Jacob worked to earn them all, all the star daughters of the King: Leah and Ruth and Hannah and Rachel and Deborah and Esther and Miriam and Eve and Sarah and Priscilla and Martha and Jehosheba and…

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After the flood, through the water that remained, a Great Whale roamed. It was immense and sneering and cruel. But Jonah, little Jonah, was able to destroy it. After the Whale swallowed him, Jonah killed it from the inside, cracking the interior of its brain case.

He used only a pebble.

He used only a sling.

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Out of the mud, compacted with the ribs, came also the Four Horsemen.

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For Jacob, however, wives–even all the wives in the sky—were not enough.

So Jacob began to wrestle Angels.

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The first Horseman, Pestilence, married the Lepers.

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Samson, unlike all of the children that he had been brought up beside, had never been positioned on the planks of a cross, then had nails riven through his hands and feet.

Not once, not in all the games that he and the other children had played with the Romans, had this ever happened to Samson.

It was a great secret, this non-Crucifixion.

It was also the source of Samson’s great strength.

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Jacob wrestled with them mightily, all those Angels.

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With his great strength, Samson should have been able to defeat the Philistines.

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He wrestled with the Angel Leprosy and the Angel Pharaoh and the Angel Water Turning to Blood and the Angel Manna and the Angel Frogs and the Angel Ashes to Ashes and the Angel Lice and the Angel Livestock Plague and the Angel Dust to Dust and the Angel Boils and the Angel Hail and the Angel Forbidden Fruit and the Angel Locusts and the Angel Brother’s Keeper and the Angel Darkness and the Angel Killing of Firstborn Children.

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But then Samson’s lover, Judas, betrayed him.

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And then Jonah, whale-tamer, gave names to all the remaining animals.

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“Judas!” cried Samson, as the nails penetrated his hands, his feet.

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After naming them, Jonah killed and skinned them: feathers, pelts and scales. Then he assembled these pieces into a beautiful raft–a Raft of Many Colors.

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Through these holes, Samson’s fabled strength drained away.

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And Jacob wrestled…

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After his crucifixion, Samson was very weak–so weak that he could not even roll away the stone.

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The second Horseman, Famine, married the Giants.

The third, War, married the Light of the World.

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So Jacob, enraged, wrestled Judas, too, though Judas was not an Angel.

“No one betrays Samson,” said Jacob into Judas’ ear.

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And then Jonah, whale-tamer, animal-namer, raft-maker, walked on water.

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But Death, the fourth and most terrible of the Horsemen, married Lazarus.

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Then Jonah, whale-tamer, animal-namer, raft-maker, water-walker, spoke to the Burning Bush.

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“Frankincense,” said the Raft of Many Colors.

“Myrrh,” the Burning Bush.

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“No one betrays Samson,” Jacob repeated.

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“Everyone is to be killed,” said the Stone Tablet.

“Everyone is to be Resurrected,” said the Golden Calf.

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At the Horsemen’s wedding, the blood of every guest became wine.

(And then all the wine became water.)

((But then all the water become blood.))

(((So, in the end, everyone was all right.)))

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“Never,” said Death.

“Always,” agreed Lazarus.

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“I will wrestle all the fallen Angels,” offered Jacob, by way of a wedding present.

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“Everything is to end,” said the Snake.

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So there was a Second Great Event, an Anti-Flood, and in the great drying, as all the water of the world returned to Heaven, the Tower was restored, as was the One Language. Then all of Jacob’s wives, in the many parts of the sky, could again perceive their Father’s voice. All this time, He had been calling to them…

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“End luminously,” said the Stone Tablet.

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“Father, we come!” cried the stars: Mary, Elizabeth, Leah, Ruth, Hannah, Rachel, Deborah, Esther, Miriam, Eve, Sarah, Priscilla, Martha, Jehosheba and all the rest, in One Language.

On Jonah’s Raft of Many Colors they ascended, borne up by the waters. Each sparkled with her own aura: red, white, orange, silver, yellow, blue…

Beneath them, in comparison, even Jonah’s raft was pale and unremarkable.

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“End drunkenly,” said the Golden Calf.

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As the waters were withdrawn, the post-Crucifixion stone was also swept away.

Beneath the waters, Jacob rushed into the tomb and cradled Samson’s bones.

He wept, his breath foggy with the wine-water-blood.

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“Everything is to go on living forever,” said the Woman.

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Jonah, whale-tamer, animal-namer, raft-maker, water-walker, Burning Bush-speaker, weighted with the authority of his many accomplishments, said to the others of Jacob: “Let him be. Let Jacob be.”

So they let Jacob be.

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“And be destroyed,” said Aaron.

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Up, up, up, in a coach made from the bones of the whale that Jonah had killed, went the Horsemen and their marriage partners, and all the Angels with whom Jacob had ever wrestled (for the King of Heaven would welcome them, too), and Samson’s bones–for Jonah, who knew what was best for Jacob, took these bones firmly away from Jacob.

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“And be redeemed,” said the Tree.

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Cradling these bones, Jonah took his own seat inside the coach, beneath the dome of the skull that he had long ago shattered, using only a pebble, using only a sling.

“Let Jacob be,” Jonah repeated, as the coach ascended.

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“End in sand,” said Moses.

Everything, everywhere, for all time, was drawn up into the sky, and the world beneath was left dry and empty.

In the remaining desert, there were only two living figures: only Judas, only Jacob.

Two together, wrestling.

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“End in fire,” said the Burning Bush.

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“No one betrays Samson,” Jacob repeated.

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