After Leonara Carrington’s Self-Portrait
A hyena often appears in my shadow
everytime I try caviar again. She has an odd
number of utters that bubble and bloom
like the keloids clustering my jaw. If I whisper count down
she disappears for seventy-seven seconds no, seventy-nine
& I struggle to stand when I look at her my
high heels melt into the floor fire
clay clogging my mouth. No I shouldn’t speak
I couldn’t wouldn’t, hyena
hisses, fissures the scene, frizzes
my hair I stare out the window & collect
an angel, dark and knowing, gliding
treble clefs, vee-ed cerulean, stop, I want to touch,
the centers of this creature, enter its mouth, evaporate
& run out, flower peculiar petunia petals
less alien, no, more strange & upset, be, no exist
in evergreen & chlorophyl dreams, wet with dew, no
no more gold chains, triple-timed dances, white no sequins
all dangled on hangers strangling
stung flesh, no, I’ll melt into a new mouth
run zig-zag, muck up the ground, shrill
eee, eee, eee, until I see the moon
until we make it there, far, far away and
and all the birds that nest behind my ears, all the tulips
I speak, all the sea glass in my fingernails, the bell height jellyfish in my
throat can float in nebula bliss free form, no free
from pencil grips & cotillion quotidians,
I’m tired.
But on the moon, I’ll starfish & dream dream dream write
a novel in my hair, pluck it out strand by strand
braid firefly light & make us all delightful
apparitions chainsmoking in stories beyond beyond
beyond this bright blue chair.
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Julia Kooi Talen is an essayist and poet based in the Midwest where she teaches creative writing and composition. Currently a PhD Candidate in Literature and Creative Writing at the University of Missouri-Columbia, Talen lives with their cat, Otis and holds an MFA in creative writing from Northern Michigan University as well as an MSW from the University of Denver. Website: Julia Kooi Talen

